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Friday, 11 May 2012

  • Narwhals and rental cars

    Things I learned on my trip to Kansas:

    1. I can drive SUVs competently! Thank that one trip I got pulled over for speeding in TN and my mom made me drive her Vue the rest of my visit. Avis only had certain cars to rent one-way, I got stuck with a Santa Fe with IL plates.

    2. Jared pays some serious attention; thanks to a FB status update, I got a stuffed narwhal for my birthday laughing

    3. Being land-locked doesn't actually bug me all that much, scenery-wise. In fact, the rolling hills and occasional rivers were quite pretty, and I saw bison!

    4. A/C is fucking critical to my survival. I did not realize how hot Kansas gets, even in spring. Central a/c or a window unit in the bedroom would be a must if I move.

    5. Even people who can cook can have terrible kitchens. That boy needs a serious dish sponge and a cookie sheet, for pete's sake.

    So my trip was awesome, and I would go back in a heartbeat. Pretty much sums everything up, but I could expound if anyone cared. Or just because I want to! Flying and driving all day Thursday was exhausting, but I'm really glad I flew into Kansas City and got to drive all the way to Manhattan/Ft. Riley and see all the scenery and back roads. Jared has a pretty nice duplex in a decent neighborhood, and the town itself is survivable. Where there's a Target, I can manage lol. It was nice being able to go out and do whatever on Friday instead of being stuck there, glad I got the rental even if it was a massive gas-hog compared to my Queen. He worked kinda late Thursday and Friday, but it was fun being able to make fajitas for dinner Friday night like a good girlfriend. The boy hates the gushy insides of tomatoes as much as I do; definitely a keeper. I also made cookies, and then orange sweet rolls for breakfast on Saturday. We pretty much were just lazy & cuddly all weekend, except when we returned the rental in Topeka Saturday afternoon and stopped at the casino for dinner on the way home. He had to deal with my low blood sugar episodes, both in driving (he fails Being Followed 101 sooo hard) and in trying to decide on food, and we both survived. We managed to watch a few movies in between all the sex and food and sleep, but I don't really remember which ones they were lol. We talked about frivolous things and serious things, and generally just got to experience some relationship normalcy for a few days. It sucks being so long-distance, but it helps that we were used to it as friends for years beforehand. I'd love the chance to actually see him on a daily basis, much less live with him. Kinda scary to think about already, but idk how to gauge time in this relationship. Does it start from the hurricane, or the fiasco in Tallahassee, or his holiday visit? Perhaps V-day weekend in February, or his birthday in March when we said the L-word? It feels like forever and no time all at once. It feels silly thinking of moving in together already, but we know its a looong ways off. His lease is up in March, and the place isn't pet friendly; my dogs are my life, and he wants them too. I'd also like real a/c, a basement, and a garage so the tornadoes don't scare me so much. It was so hard to drag myself out of his arms & into the shower so I could leave Sunday. It rained, even Kansas was sad to see me go. He was too busy to ever show me the base, but in a moment of lunacy I agreed he can take me flying next visit. I'm terrified of helicopters, but I guess I gotta trust him sometime. It's still weird thinking of myself as a military girlfriend, but I have enough other friends in uniform that I guess it doesn't make me that much more emotionally involved in miliary-related going-ons. I'm thankful he's not set to deploy til mid-2013, it gives us time to see where this is going before having to deal with that big of a stressor. Blahhh. So many thoughts, sooo not cohesive. I love him. I loved my trip to Oz. I wanna go back already. 

    Is this real life? How can I be so happy?

     

Saturday, 21 April 2012

  • Oz

    In just a smattering of days, I'll be off to Kansas to spend a long weekend with my army boy. That's right, all mine. How the hell this happened is still beyond me, but I'm loving every minute of it. Except the idea of spending 4 days in a tornado-prone area in a duplex without a basement, that fucking terrifies me lol. If I get whisked off to Oz, he'd better be going with me!

    I've known Jared since the end of 4th grade, but we were never really friends. We lived next door to each other for six years, but only went to the same schools for about two of them. I used to hate him, because we were in gifted classes together and he was smarter than me. Also, his parents (mostly his mom) hated us cuz we were kinda the crazy house on the street, between us three girls and the menagerie of pets and my poor mom never being home to keep us under control. They were such quiet neighbors, I never realized Jared was the youngest of 5!

    We befriended each other on FB about 3 years ago when I moved back to FL from VA, and started hanging out when he was home on breaks from West Point. How it never dawned one me before the hurricane in August that there was potential for us to be more than friends, I have no clue. I must've really been an idiot, but he knew I was still hung up on shit with Jon and was apparently content to bide his time. While he was buzzed the other night he confessed he's been interested in me since like middle school, definitely news to me lol. Everything since the hurricane has been kind of a blur, but we've taken pretty much every opportunity we could to see each other since then. Army demands moved him from Rucker to Riley in March, which is a bummer cuz its so far away but good cuz he's got a job he likes and soldiers he likes and deployment is a ways off for them. Mixed bag, I suppose. They're also going on first response rotation, but I don't have time to stress about that unless something actually happens. Long story short, it terrifies me when I actually think about it but I love him more than enough to put up with it all. 

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy, if this is really happening. How could I have known him so long, and yet never really known him? I left FL last May to get away from Jon, to get out and learn to be myself all on my own. I don't really miss Jared, even though he's so far away, because I did learn how to be on my own up there in OBX. I went from being totally insecure from years of mental and emotional torment, to being totally content to have a boyfriend a million miles away (okay more like 1350 lol) and just winging it in terms of future plans/hopes/dreams. I feel like such a completely different person than I did a year ago, and I am so ridiculously happy with him and with my life in general. I still get afraid of daring to hope or dream, to let myself want this to go anywhere and risk being disappointed again. But he makes me smile so much, I'd gladly risk being whisked off to Oz by a tornado just to spend a weekend with him in the flesh. If he can make me this happy from so far away with just texts and calls, first as a friend and now as a significant other, I can't really think of any good reason not to take the risk.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

  • Holy shit, I'm alive!

    More than just alive, I'm back in FL and for the first time in months I have internet access besides my work pc. I don't really feel like work internet counts, even on my lunch break I feel...supervised. Ugh. God bless smartphones, at least I could email and Facebook semi-freely, but I've missed the real interwebs. 

    So much has changed, so many thoughts locked in my head this whole time that I couldn't blog out like I used to do. Feels like its been ages since I could, probably since the hurricane. Everything went to hell after that, but I guess its all working out for the better in a roundabout fashion. Not thrilled about being back home instead of in OBX, but sometimes you gotta do the smart thing financially even if it fucking sucks. Miss my girls, miss the beach, miss my freedom. But the new job is decent and being around for my nephews and my mom is nice. Living with my dad drives me fucking batty, but for now I'll tough it out I guess. Things got super serious with my army boy, wish he was still in AL instead of KS so I could see him more often but oh well. Kinda nice having old friends around, but running into old friends-gone-bad and all the family drama gets old fast. I'll survive, though. Always have, too stubborn not to. My poor Mississippi Queen probably won't, at the rate things are going, but better for her to crap out on me here than anywhere else I suppose.

    Buhhh. Sooo many thoughts. Too many for right now. 

Tuesday, 03 January 2012

  • Holy shit, it's 2012

    How this new year snuck up on me so fast, I have no idea. I may have officially made it into winter in the Outer Banks, but I think soon I'll be heading back to Florida, for a variety of reasons. My life definitely got turned upside down after that damned hurricane, plenty of it for the worse but a few things for the better. I miss the internet. I miss living with civilized, responsible adults. I miss walking my dogs beyond our yard. I do not miss the family drama back home. I do not miss the ridiculous humidity and lack of seasons. If I leave, I'll really miss Karla and Kylie and Dennis at work. If I leave, I'll miss walking on the beach and going to Jennette's Pier late at night. I'll miss Colington Pizza, and Lacy's visits on school breaks. If I stay, I'll slowly go broke living the beach life. If I stay, I'll have the freedom to take off work but not the money to go anywhere. If I stay, I'll continue to miss out on seeing Braedon and Gabriel grow up. If I leave, I'll be subjected to staying with my dad or grandparents til I find somewhere to live. If I leave, I put myself at risk of running into people I do not want to see or deal with anymore. If, if, if. I've been winging it since Irene's aftermath, and while it hasn't been perfect, it hasn't been horrible either. I just need to finally make some long-term decisions about my life soon, before I get stuck here like so many others, too broke to move away, barely surviving. 

    I spent NYE cuddled up with my puppies watching tv; I spent Xmas cooking and playing video games. Most alone I've been for the holidays in awhile, but the five days in between were some of the best five days I've had in a looong time. Apparently my hurrication trip to BFE, AL let loose something I hadn't even realized was building. Since then, I've taken a trip home to see my newest nephew and spent a night in Tally with Jared along the way. He flew up to see me the day after Xmas, and we spent the next two days almost entirely in bed or seeing the sights. It was wonderful, surprisingly. Hell, I got food poisoning and my car broke down and we STILL had a great time. Storybook romance right there, folks. Not sure what to make of it, honestly. Been up here almost eight months, trying to relearn how to be on my own and avoid Jon's constant attempts to keep claim on my heart. Suddenly it's gotten >9000 times easier, and man is he jealous lol. Jared is a great guy, especially to have slept on Michal's couch with me in Tally & get his truck towed in November, then deal with pukey me & another car towing in December. He said he hopes we can find a way to spend more time together this year, and I think moving back home would probably make that easier since he could visit me and his family all in one place. It was pretty cute, all the things that got said in the wee hours of NYD. I know he said awhile ago that he doesn't wanna do relationships while he's in, and he said again that the Army makes shit difficult, but hey I'm willing if he's willing. Guess we'll see how this plays out. 

    Hope everyone else had tolerably pleasant holidays, and that I can continue to mooch the neighbors' internet so I can stop feeling so isolated and jot down my thoughts when they come to me instead of feeling like I need to recap months at a time to make any sense here. 

Saturday, 03 September 2011

  • Hurrication & aftermath!

    So back on like the 25th, my two dogs and I fled Irene's wrath and headed down to the Middle of Nowhere, Alabama to see an old friend before visiting my family in the Tampa Bay area and heading back to paradise. After 15 hours of driving, I got to see Jared for the first time since last summer before he got stationed in AL for his flight training. Still not really sure how to feel about that visit; on the one hand I really enjoyed it, but on the other hand I highly doubt I'll get to enjoy it again. We've only ever been just friends, and rarely gotten to see each other in person, since I moved away in the summer after 10th grade after living next door to him since mid-4th grade. We've kept in touch online and whatnot, so much so that it wasn't awkward at all showing up on his doorstep a hot mess after fleeing a hurricane. Predictably, things got more than friendly in the two and a half days I stayed there, and lord knows I didn't mind that one bit lol. I just know he's got this idea in his head that he shouldn't bother getting involved with anyone til he's out of the military and I don't wanna start feeling more-than-friendly about him just to get let down. Tricky stuff, love and sex. 

    Florida was nice for the little while I was there. I got to see my mom, my godson, and two of my best friends; even though I only managed a meal with Jen and Lisa, it was still great to see them again, and anytime spent getting to see Gabriel in real life leaves a smile on my face :) He is such a happy, happy baby! And he doesn't freak when I pick him up, which makes me happy, since I wouldn't blame him at all for forgetting me after being gone half his short little life. Mom and I hit all the good shopping I could get done in FL that didn't get to happen that weekend like we'd been planning for VA Beach; still need to reschedule that trip, but first we need to recover from the hurricane. I stopped in DB to get my purple microwave from Jon before heading back home, god that was awkward. He wanted to do lunch or something, spend some time together, and was jealous that I'd taken off to AL instead of weathering the hurricane in DB with him. Uhh, hell no man. We're over, done, kaput. Just friends. My dogs and I do not want to sleep on your couch, excuse me my couch that you've had for two years now, and still be vaguely in the potential path of the storm. Just...no. Ugh.

    Irene flooded our yard here at home, and the bottom floor of the house as well. The dock is in two pieces, not that it wasn't already in bad shape before the storm lol. I'm stuck living in the guest loft for the time being, until we can convince our shitty landlord to rip up the mildewing carpet downstairs so I can safely move back down there. Some of my furniture needs to be replaced as well, mainly the dresser and bookcase-turned-tv stand. Colington Road is a mess in general, though Sound Feet fared pretty well out on the beach. V&J opted to weather the storm here, and saved most of the light stuff from the foot of water that snuck into the house. Thank goodness for them, or I'd have lost a lot of little dumb stuff like pajamas and blankets and my collection of books. We'll recover eventually, as will everyone else here on the beach. John's boss's house is a total loss, so we have two of their four dogs staying with us on top of our five. It's a crazy life lol. Kylie is coming over tomorrow evening to cut and dye my hair, hope it doesn't overwhelm her! I can't wait to have a new look finally, it's only been allll summer. 

    So yep, that's life. I survived Irene, more or less. We'll have to wait and see if my tender emotions can handle the aftermath of my little hurrication or not.

disorderedpersonality

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    • Name: Shannon
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    • Member Since: 3/18/2008

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